Monday, August 19, 2013


This past week I served a broken family.  The father was a strong God-fearing man.  He was in his eighties.  He was a veteran.  He had brought comfort to many during his lifetime. 
 As many of us do, in his younger years, he had made mistakes.  His mistakes lead to a separation in his family.  A separation that at his death was insurmountable by his children. 
 Although this man who had served many during his lifetime has died, the ripple effects of his actions are continuing to affect the living in his absence.  Most particularly, his children. 
 You have always heard, “You hurt the ones you love.”  Unfortunately, this hurt transcends your death.  For those left behind trying to overcome this hurt, your death is not inconsequential.  Indeed, pain and suffering are exacerbated by death. 
Death does not erase evil deeds against another.  If we are the offender, death robs us of the opportunity to make amends and to repair the damages we have inflicted against others; allowing us to rest in peace.  If we are the sufferer, death robs us the opportunity to forgive and overcome the damages we have suffered allowing us to live in peace. 
It seems likely that this man’s family will never recover from his evil deeds against them.  How unfortunate that this family of children grew up never experiencing the comfort of their daddy’s strength, never grew up witnessing his good deeds toward others, and never grew up knowing that before all else, he loved them more than life itself.  The absence of these experiences creates a void and pathology within the psychological development of the human soul.  
The man, who created this family, destroyed this family.  His mistakes were probably the same that many of us fall into during our lives.  Mistakes that are easy to make yet difficult to repair.  This man went to his grave leaving behind him a trail of sadness, heartache, and betrayal.  His legacy could have been different.  It would have required restitution to his children.  It would have required him to take upon himself the consequences of his actions rather than leave his children to suffer them.  
As a parent, I want to believe this man tried to repair the destruction he caused within his family.  It is impossible for me to comprehend that a parent would go to their grave knowing that they were leaving behind such a mess for their children to live through.  The cold hard truth is however, that this is not the first time I have witnessed such devastation within a family caused by one of its own.  It is not the first, nor do I believe it will be the last.  
Death does not erase evil deeds against another we must do that ourselves.
My name is Tracy Renee Lee.  I am a funeral director, author and freelance writer.  It is my life's work to comfort the bereaved and help them live on.  
Please follow me on Twitter @PushnUpDaisies and visit my website for additional encouragement and information at