Sunday, January 12, 2014


A miscarriage is the death of a baby in the womb. It is tragic for the couple losing their child, for the immediate family and their closely extended family. Outside of this small family circle, however, the loss is barely recognized. Unfortunately, society fails to recognize this loss of life as a death of any significance. The life of the unborn is whittled down in value as a non-loss. Other losses falling into this category of non-loss are socially unspeakable losses. Examples would be suicidal loss, death caused by embarrassing activities, or deaths of secret liaisons. Under these circumstances, the grief experience is disenfranchised because the death situation is neither socially sanctioned nor significant.

If a mother loses her baby prior to birth, others will not experience the reality of the child’s existence. Her grief and that of her husband will not be acknowledged beyond the close inner circles of their family. In this situation, the mother and father are expected to carry on with life as though nothing grievous has happened. Reality, however is very different for the parents of the lost pregnancy. They have experienced the woes and joys of pregnancy, the anticipation of the expansion of their family, and most likely have made changes to their home in anticipation of the sweet arrival. Their life has changed with the expectation of their child being born. The spontaneous or induced loss of a child creates a void that fills with heartache and grief.

Re-enfranchisement of grief is critical for the parents. Helpful intervention would include assisting the couple in talking about, and exploring their thoughts and feelings over their loss. They must be able to express and experience the fact that death has occurred, and the ensuing sorrow of grief. Oft times, if this is the first child for a young couple, their life's experiences have not prepared them for such a tragedy. This can complicate the grief experience even more. These parents need extra attention and direction through this uncharted experience upon which they are tragically embarking.

Losing a child to miscarriage is tragic. Statistics average that one-fourth of pregnancies end in miscarriage. To help a young couple recover from such a loss, one should offer recognition for their loss of life, and encourage open expression of grief.

My name is Tracy Renee Lee. I am a funeral director, author and freelance writer. I write books, weekly bereavement articles, and mid-week grief briefs related to understanding and coping with grief. It is my life's work to comfort the bereaved and help them live on.

Please follow my blog at Twitter account @PushnUpDaisies, visit my or read my book “Pushin’ Up Daisies” for additional encouragement and information.