Thursday, January 30, 2014

Grief Brief 26 - Anxiety

Anxiety is common among the bereaved. A survivor may fear that without the support of the deceased, they will perish. This may create a heightened sense of personal death awareness.

My name is Tracy Renee Lee. I am a funeral director, author and freelance writer. I write books, weekly articles and brief tips on understanding and coping with grief. It is my life's work to comfort the bereaved and help them live on.

Please follow my blog at http://pushin-up-daisies.blogspot.com/, follow me on Twitter @PushnUpDaisies and visit my website for additional encouragement and information at www.QueenCityFuneralHome.com.



Monday, January 27, 2014

Grief's Physical Pain

Grief manifests itself in many painful facets. There is emotional pain, psychological pain, spiritual pain, the pain of loneliness, the pain of sadness and even physical pain. Physical pain is very often brought on through continued avoidance of the grief experience.

Not everyone suffers the same amount or type of pain once a loved one dies. The pain intensity is usually predicated on the level of attachment the survivor experiences with the deceased. It is nearly impossible, however, to avoid a painful experience at the loss of someone with whom you shared an attachment. Of important note, the deceased need not be a loved one to feel pain at his or her passing.

When I was a young woman, I joined a large corporation in a secretarial capacity. It was not long after I began working there that one of the district managers died. Although I worked in a different office building, and had only seen this man at regional meetings, I was affected by his loss. My attachment to the company included this man as an integral part of my newly acquired associated network. I pondered my pain at his loss for many years, and truly did not understand it until I entered funeral service. Although, I did not know him very well at all, our work overlapped. I relied on his reports to compose my reports. I had an attachment to him because I had a reliance on his work. His passing created a structural defect in the security of my newly acquired income. The stress, though short lived, was very unnerving.

If grief is left unresolved or ignored, it will eventually surface in one’s life as physical ailments. Grief shifts into medical conditions as an underlying cause. If you find that you are developing unexplained physical or mental conditions, you might discover that if you will address your grief issues, your other conditions might actually resolve themselves. Grief affects the body and soul the same way stress does. If you continue to ignore your grief, other conditions will develop that are avoidable by allowing the pain of grief to present itself and working through it.

I hope that if you have experienced unresolved grief that you will find the courage to face it and overcome the ill effects it creates within your physical and mental health. If you can muster up the courage to do it, you and those around you will benefit immensely. Your health will be better, and your life will be better too.

My name is Tracy Renee Lee. I am a funeral director, author and freelance writer. I write books, weekly bereavement articles, and mid-week grief briefs related to understanding and coping with grief. It is my life's work to comfort the bereaved and help them live on.

Please follow my blog at http://pushin-up-daisies.blogspot.com/ and Twitter account @PushnUpDaisies, visit my website www.QueenCityFuneralHome.com or read my book “Pushin’ Up Daisies” for additional encouragement and information.

Grief Brief 25 - Guilt

Guilt is common among survivors. Usually guilt is equated to something that did or did not transpire in connection to the death. Guilt is generally irrational and dissipates itself through reality adjustments. If guilt is justifiably connected to the death, intervention counseling should be engaged as soon as possible.

My name is Tracy Renee Lee. I am a funeral director, author and freelance writer. I write books, weekly articles and brief tips on understanding and coping with grief. It is my life's work to comfort the bereaved and help them live on.

Please follow my blog at http://pushin-up-daisies.blogspot.com/, follow me on Twitter @PushnUpDaisies and visit my website for additional encouragement and information at www.QueenCityFuneralHome.com.

Monday, January 20, 2014

Sudden Death

Grief is a painful and drawn out process, which every human being will at one time, or another experience. Each survivor must experience, suffer through and adjust to their unique grief experience. Those that do not, will find their suffering increase day after day, week after week, month after month and year after year, until they are unable to return to a life without depression and extreme pain by themselves. They will most likely require the intervention of professional counseling and possibly medication. One cannot avoid the grief experience, no matter how strongly they turn from it or deny it.

Grief is painful, especially when it is sudden or unanticipated. Sudden or unanticipated deaths include heart attacks, strokes, postoperative deaths, allergic reactions, sudden infant death as well as others. When grief is associated with sudden or unanticipated death, complicated grief is a viable reality. When death is sudden or unexpected, survivors will be ill prepared for the experiences that will follow. The lack of forewarning robs the mourner of appropriate time to anticipate and prepare for the grief that follows the passing of a significant loved one. Sudden, accidental, unexpected and traumatic death, shatters life, as we know it. These deaths do not make since, they are unfair and they leave us feeling shaken, insecure and vulnerable. Not only must we overcome the grief of our loss, we must also deal with the fear and insecurities of the impending changes that will most assuredly follow. Without forewarning, we will not have had ample time to process and prepare for these changes. The opportunity for developing alternative plans for continued obligations, such as rearing of children, college tuition for those children etc. will not have happened. Losses of income, loss of ones home and loss of social standing are viable concerns that will not have established recovery plans for the survivor.

The issues from sudden or unanticipated death, set the survivor up for an extended or complicated grief experience. In such circumstances, survivors will need extra support and understanding from family and friends. Support groups can be of some value, as well as spiritual foundations and counseling.

Traumatic deaths bring even more difficulties for the survivor. Traumatic deaths are those involving violence, mutilation, destruction, multiple deaths, random deaths and those where the survivor suffered near death. Traumatic deaths fit into the same category of sudden and unanticipated deaths however, recovery from this type of death is even more difficult and severe. Traumatic deaths bring fears and phobias that can be extremely extended, difficult to understand and require intense recovery techniques. Traumatic death fears and phobias can add recovery time and require more intense techniques, which the survivor may not be able to identify or understand without professional intervention. Often, traumatic deaths involve the justice system and social services will intervene and offer counseling for survivors that are under the age of accountability.

If you or someone you know or love has suffered a sudden, unanticipated or traumatic death, please seek out support systems to assist with coping and recovery from this terrifying and egregious experience. Due to the emotional and psychological trauma accompanying these categorically related deaths, the added stigma of victimization must be considered. Recovery perils may loom about creating problems the survivor might be ill equipped to surmount alone. In extreme cases, possible psychosis creates a strong argument for professional assistance before it presents itself.

My name is Tracy Renee Lee. I am a funeral director, author and freelance writer. I write books, weekly bereavement articles, and mid-week grief briefs related to understanding and coping with grief. It is my life's work to comfort the bereaved and help them live on.

Please follow my blog at http://pushin-up-daisies.blogspot.com/ and Twitter account @PushnUpDaisies, visit my website www.QueenCityFuneralHome.com or read my book “Pushin’ Up Daisies” for additional encouragement and information.



Wednesday, January 15, 2014

Grief Brief 24 - Anger

Anger is common among the bereaved. It is generally brought on through anxiety, panic and frustration. It is important to properly direct anger at the deceased rather than toward others. Realizing that the absence of your loved one has caused your emotional issues will help you move beyond the anger and develop the necessary skills for recovery. The most dangerous adaptation to intense anger is to turn on oneself. Mourners who inflict their anger on themselves run the risk of developing self-loathing and in more severe cases, may fall prey to suicide.

My name is Tracy Renee Lee. I am a funeral director, author and freelance writer. I write books, weekly articles and brief tips on understanding and coping with grief. It is my life's work to comfort the bereaved and help them live on.

Please follow my blog at http://pushin-up-daisies.blogspot.com/, follow me on Twitter @PushnUpDaisies and visit my website for additional encouragement and information at www.QueenCityFuneralHome.com.

Grief Brief 21 - Numbing

The numbing of our senses allows us to get through the immediate pain of our loss.

My name is Tracy Renee Lee. I am a funeral director, author and freelance writer. I write books, weekly articles and brief tips on understanding and coping with grief. It is my life's work to comfort the bereaved and help them live on.

Please follow my blog at http://pushin-up-daisies.blogspot.com/, follow me on Twitter @PushnUpDaisies and visit my website for additional encouragement and information at www.QueenCityFuneralHome.com.

Sunday, January 12, 2014

Miscarriage

A miscarriage is the death of a baby in the womb. It is tragic for the couple losing their child, for the immediate family and their closely extended family. Outside of this small family circle, however, the loss is barely recognized. Unfortunately, society fails to recognize this loss of life as a death of any significance. The life of the unborn is whittled down in value as a non-loss. Other losses falling into this category of non-loss are socially unspeakable losses. Examples would be suicidal loss, death caused by embarrassing activities, or deaths of secret liaisons. Under these circumstances, the grief experience is disenfranchised because the death situation is neither socially sanctioned nor significant.

If a mother loses her baby prior to birth, others will not experience the reality of the child’s existence. Her grief and that of her husband will not be acknowledged beyond the close inner circles of their family. In this situation, the mother and father are expected to carry on with life as though nothing grievous has happened. Reality, however is very different for the parents of the lost pregnancy. They have experienced the woes and joys of pregnancy, the anticipation of the expansion of their family, and most likely have made changes to their home in anticipation of the sweet arrival. Their life has changed with the expectation of their child being born. The spontaneous or induced loss of a child creates a void that fills with heartache and grief.

Re-enfranchisement of grief is critical for the parents. Helpful intervention would include assisting the couple in talking about, and exploring their thoughts and feelings over their loss. They must be able to express and experience the fact that death has occurred, and the ensuing sorrow of grief. Oft times, if this is the first child for a young couple, their life's experiences have not prepared them for such a tragedy. This can complicate the grief experience even more. These parents need extra attention and direction through this uncharted experience upon which they are tragically embarking.

Losing a child to miscarriage is tragic. Statistics average that one-fourth of pregnancies end in miscarriage. To help a young couple recover from such a loss, one should offer recognition for their loss of life, and encourage open expression of grief.

My name is Tracy Renee Lee. I am a funeral director, author and freelance writer. I write books, weekly bereavement articles, and mid-week grief briefs related to understanding and coping with grief. It is my life's work to comfort the bereaved and help them live on.

Please follow my blog at http://pushin-up-daisies.blogspot.com/and Twitter account @PushnUpDaisies, visit my websitewww.QueenCityFuneralHome.com or read my book “Pushin’ Up Daisies” for additional encouragement and information.

Grief Brief 23 - Competitive Behavior

Crying evokes sympathy from others and creates an atmosphere where competitive behaviors are suspended. Competitive suspension allows the bereaved to function without undue worries and stresses outside of the bereavement recovery experience.

My name is Tracy Renee Lee. I am a funeral director, author and freelance writer. I write books, weekly bereavement articles, and mid-week grief briefs related to understanding and coping with grief. It is my life's work to comfort the bereaved and help them live on.

Please follow my blog at http://pushin-up-daisies.blogspot.com/and Twitter account @PushnUpDaisies, visit my websitewww.QueenCityFuneralHome.com or read my book “Pushin’ Up Daisies” for additional encouragement and information.

Monday, January 6, 2014

Strategies for Marital Bliss

Prior to our marriage, my husband had been married once before. After his first marriage failed, he developed a strategy for marital bliss that he faithfully applies to our marriage. The first rule in his “Strategies for Marital Bliss” is, “Never go to bed angry, upset or annoyed at your spouse.” Seems simple enough, unless, of course, one has ever been married. Through the years, however, anger, discontent and annoyance have never been a significant problem for us. The reason, I imagine is directly related to his second strategy for marital bliss.

During the 1960’s, the “flower children” coined a phrase, “Love is never having to say you’re sorry.” My husband’s second strategy for marital bliss is in direct conflict with this philosophy. His second strategy is “Regardless of fault; love rushes to say sorry, first.”

My husband’s “Strategies for Marital Bliss” actually apply to every relationship between human beings. Whether you are sweethearts, siblings, relatives, co-workers or acquaintances, you should seriously consider incorporating his rules, into every relationship in which you participate. While it is true that none of us is perfect, at the moment of death, imperfection is frozen. Death robs the living of the opportunity for simple resolution and blocks the comfort of peace.

These lost opportunities for resolution and peace are unfortunate indeed. This undesirable state of affairs creates years of complicated grief for the bereaved survivor. The depth of stress brought on by this situation can lead to serious ailments. My best advice is to follow my husband’s “Strategies for Marital Bliss” in one’s everyday interactions and in every relationship in which one engages.

If one finds that he or she is at odds with a loved one, or with anyone for that matter, try to incorporate my husband’s strategies into the relationship. Even in the worst of circumstances, clearing one’s own slate of any blame, will in the end, clear one’s conscious. I am certainly not advocating that a victim apologize to a perpetrator for any abuse or crime inflicted upon them. What I am suggesting, is that you try to forgive. Forgiveness will bring you the most comfort possible. Do not continue the cycle of victimization at your own hands. Do what is best for you, by releasing the negative stresses of anger and hate.

Once a death has occurred, victims become the unexpected losers, giving the obnoxious or abusive acquaintance, indefinite power over them. Due to their own inability to resolve their lives, the victim has perpetuated the negative control that will hamper their recovery until they are able to effect resolution within themselves. This is an extremely difficult feat to accomplish. Turn your woes into a winning scenario; deal with the abuse while your abuser remains living. Clear your life of them and their negative control over your happiness.

In the case of a failed marriage, no matter who is at fault, both parties lose. The same is true in life and death. Do not rob yourself of peace, do not rob yourself of happiness and certainly, do not rob yourself of bliss. Follow my husband’s strategies; take care of unfinished business today before your head hits the pillow. Your life will be better for it.
My name is Tracy Renee Lee. I am a funeral director, author and freelance writer. I write books, weekly bereavement articles, and mid-week grief briefs related to understanding and coping with grief. It is my life's work to comfort the bereaved and help them live on.
Please follow my blog at http://pushin-up-daisies.blogspot.com/ and Twitter account @PushnUpDaisies, visit my website www.QueenCityFuneralHome.com or read my book “Pushin’ Up Daisies” for additional encouragement and information.

Wednesday, January 1, 2014

Grief Brief 22 - Hallucinations

Both visual and auditory hallucinations are common during bereavement. Although disconcerting to some, others find these experiences to be comforting. The hallucinatory experience is generally transient, occurring within the first few weeks of loss. Hallucinations are not an indication of a more complicated grief experience, nor do they allude to an extended grief experience.

My name is Tracy Renee Lee. I am a funeral director, author and freelance writer. I write books, weekly bereavement articles, and mid-week grief briefs related to understanding and coping with grief. It is my life's work to comfort the bereaved and help them live on.

Please follow my blog at http://pushin-up-daisies.blogspot.com/ and Twitter account @PushnUpDaisies, visit my website www.QueenCityFuneralHome.com or read my book “Pushin’ Up Daisies” for additional encouragement and information.