Briefs

Grief Brief Tips

1.        Visiting places or carrying objects that remind the survivor of the deceased is motivated through a fear of losing or forgetting precious memories.
(Tracy Renee Lee)

2.        Grief is an ailment of the soul.  When the body suffers injury or ailment, one must take time to recover or restore good physical health.  When ones soul suffers injury or ailment, one must take equal measures to restore health and psychological balance.
(Tracy Renee Lee)

3.        Grief and depression are different conditions.  With grief, the world looks poor and empty.  With depression, the person feels poor and empty.  Although depression may exist during bereavement, it seems to be a transient state.  If depression debilitates the bereaved for an extended period, professional practitioners might be considered. 
(Tracy Renee Lee) 

4.        Sleep disturbances are common among survivors in the early stages of loss.  Early morning wake ups and difficulties falling asleep are generally experienced during the first four months after the loss of a significant loved one.  In normal grief, these symptoms seem to taper off and medical intervention is not usually required.
(Tracy Renee Lee)

5.        Appetite disturbances are very common during mourning.  They usually manifest themselves in terms of under eating rather than overeating.  Significant changes in eating habits may result in significant changes in weight.
(Tracy Renee Lee)

6.        Newly bereaved individuals may find that they are more absentminded than usual.  Absent-mindedness, in and of itself, is not cause for alarm.  If this behavior is extreme, individuals may find themselves causing great inconvenience or harm.  If this behavior manifests itself for an extended period, or is severe in consequence, one should consider consulting with a counselor.
(Tracy Renee Lee)

7.        People who have recently lost a loved one may tend to withdraw from family or friends in intimate and social situations.  This tendency is generally brief and usually corrects itself without intervention.
(Tracy Renee Lee)

8.        Dreams of the deceased are very common.  Sweet dreams and distressing dreams alike may indicate where one is within the cycle of grief recovery.  Commonly, dreams with unresolved issues indicate an inability toward resolution and may require professional intervention.
(Tracy Renee Lee)

9.        Some survivors will avoid places or things that trigger painful feelings of grief.  Quick disposal of the decedent’s belongings may indicate ambivalence and can result in complicated grief. 
(Tracy Renee Lee)

10.      Searching and calling out for the decedent is not unusual behavior.  Over time, it should subside. 
(Tracy Renee Lee)

11.      Sighing is a normal stress reducer and is normal among the recently bereaved.  It correlates closely with the feeling of breathlessness. 
(Tracy Renee Lee)

12.      Often times, recently bereaved survivors will have a period of restless hyperactivity.  This is normal and should subside over time. 
(Tracy Renee Lee)

13.      It has been speculated that tears may have some healing potential.  The chemical imbalances caused by stress may be leveled out by the removal of toxic substances through tears. 
(Tracy Renee Lee)

14.      Grief is sometimes mistaken for depression.  While it is true that in both circumstances sleep disturbance, changes in appetite and extreme sadness are experienced, the common loss of self-esteem found in depression is absent in grief. 
(Tracy Renee Lee)

15.      When you suffer from grief, the world looks poor and empty.  When suffering from depression, the world feels poor and empty
(Tracy Renee Lee)

16.      Grief is one’s experiences after loss.  Mourning is the process of adapting to that loss. 
(Tracy Renee Lee)

17.      Phases of Mourning (Parkes)
1.        Period of numbness         
2.        Yearning      
3.        Disorganization & despair          
4.        Reorganized behavior
Phases of Mourning as written by Parkes.  It is supposed that these phases are not specific.  They may occur in any order or not at all.
(Tracy Renee Lee)

18.      Tasks of Mourning (Worden)
1.        Accepting the reality of loss
2.        Process the pain of loss
3.        Adjust to a world without the deceased
            a)        Internally
            b)        Externally
            c)         Spiritually
4.        Find an enduring connection with the deceased in your new life without them. 
Tasks of Mourning as written by Worden.  It is supposed that these tasks are not specific.  They may occur in any order or not at all.
(Tracy Renee Lee)

19.      Grief is a cognitive process involving confrontation with and restructuring of thoughts about the deceased, the loss experience and the changed world within which the bereaved must now live.  (Stroebe, 1992)
Since mourning is a process, rather than a state of mind, the above statement implies that we must work to overcome the devastation of loss.  This activity is known as grief work. 
(Tracy Renee Lee)

20.      SADNESS is the most common feeling experienced during bereavement.  Persons, who block sadness with excessive activity, find that their sadness surfaces one they are exhausted.  Exhaustion renders one less able to overcome the intensity of sadness. 
(Tracy Renee Lee)

21.      The numbing of our senses allows us to get through the immediate pain of our loss.
(Tracy Renee Lee)

22.      Both visual and auditory hallucinations are common during bereavement.  Although disconcerting to some, others find these experiences to be comforting.  The hallucinatory experience is generally transient, occurring within the first few weeks of loss.  Hallucinations are not an indication of a more complicated grief experience, nor do they allude to an extended grief experience. 
(Tracy Renee Lee)

23.      Crying evokes sympathy from others and creates an atmosphere where competitive behaviors are suspended.  Competitive suspension allows the bereaved to function without undue worries and stresses outside of the bereavement recovery experience. 
(Tracy Renee Lee)

24.      Anger is common among the bereaved.  It is generally brought on through anxiety, panic and frustration.  It is important to properly direct anger at the deceased rather than toward others.  Realizing that the absence of your loved one has caused your emotional issues will help you move beyond the anger and develop the necessary skills for recovery.  The most dangerous adaptation to intense anger is to turn on oneself.  Mourners who inflict their anger on themselves run the risk of developing self-loathing and in more severe cases, may fall prey to suicide. 
(Tracy Renee Lee)

25.      Guilt is common among survivors.  Usually guilt is equated to something that did or did not transpire in connection to the death.  Guilt is generally irrational and dissipates itself through reality adjustments.  If guilt is justifiably connected to the death, intervention counseling should be engaged as soon as possible. 
(Tracy Renee Lee)

26.      Anxiety is common among the bereaved.  A survivor may fear that without the support of the deceased, they will perish.  This may create a heightened sense of personal death awareness. 
(Tracy Renee Lee)

27.      Loneliness is frequently expressed by the bereaved.  Especially by those who have lost their spouses.  Social loneliness may be curbed through social support.  Emotional loneliness however, is brought on by a broken attachment.  With such, a new attachment is the only remedy.  Certain survivors are unwilling to form new attachments and thereby endure sever loneliness indefinitely.  This behavior is more common among the elderly. 
(Tracy Renee Lee)

28.      Survivors frequently experience fatigue.  To some, fatigue is unexpected and thereby distressing.  An ordinarily active person may find that they are very confused by such an experience.  When fatigue becomes debilitating, one should consider professional intervention. 
(Tracy Renee Lee)

29.      Widows in particular, experience feelings of helplessness.  It is not uncommon for widows to suffer such feelings for an extended period of time.  Family and friends pay an important rehabilitative role during this period of insecurity.  This role may be minimal as in morale encouragement.  It may however, be extensive and require a more hands on approach, leading up to and including daily functional participation. 
(Tracy Renee Lee)

30.      In a situation of abuse or neglect, feelings of emancipation are often a welcome relief.  If you witness an emancipatory type behavior in the recently bereaved, realize that it is likely the result of liberty from horrific experiences.  This person may need great understanding and gentle reconstruction of their self-esteem, self-value and self worth.  Juvenile behaviors may be underlying and professional guidance and/or intervention might be helpful. 
(Tracy Renee Lee)

31.      Shock is generally experienced whenever death occurs.  Even if your loved one suffered a life ending illness, the exact moment of death remains unpredictable.  Therefore, the notice that death has occurred, may for a brief moment, be shocking.  Shock occurs most often and is lingering, in the case of sudden or unexpected death. 
(Tracy Renee Lee)

32.      Yearning for the deceased is natural, especially among widows.  When yearning diminishes, one may conclude that mourning is coming to an end.  A common term for this is “closure.”
Although one may accomplish closure, it is important to realize that anniversaries and holidays may continue to be difficult day to experience. 
(Tracy Renee Lee)

33.      Family and close friends may feel great relief at the passing of a loved one who suffered a lengthy illness or painful death.  Quite often, feelings of guilt accompany their relief.  It may be helpful to realize that feeling of relief at the ending of great suffering is born from empathy and compassion.  Both selfless human emotions. 
(Tracy Renee Lee)

34.      Mourners want and need most of all, to talk about their loss.  They need to work through what has happened to them.  Talking with someone who knows them and will not judge them, allows them to accept that death has happened, to realize that there is a new reality in which they must function, and redirects them to work out their road to recovery.  
(Tracy Renee Lee)

36.      While it is true that none of us is perfect, at the moment of death, imperfection is frozen.  Unfinished business remains unfinished, estrangement remains estranged, meanness remains mean, etc.  Death robs the living of the opportunity for resolution and blocks the comfort of peace.  
(Tracy Renee Lee)

35.      Exercise is good for the heart, body and soul.  A 20 to 40 minute aerobic activity results in improvement in the survivor’s state of mind.  A vigorous pumping heart decreases anxiety, lifts the mood and creates a positive experience that persists for several hours.  Psychological benefits associated with exercise are a welcome bonus for the bereaved.  They are comparable to the gains found with standard forms of psychotherapy.  
(Tracy Renee Lee)

37.      Religion offers hope for the future and forgiveness for the past.  It also offers likeminded support and understanding.  It can be a source for counseling and re-socialization, a gateway for grief recovery.  
(Tracy Renee Lee)

38.      Family and friends can be a great resource for grief recovery.  Traveling to visit loved ones in other areas or having them visit the survivor, offers companionship that is familiar, uplifting and relative to their life’s experiences.  
(Tracy Renee Lee)

39.      Hobbies occupy the mind and hands.  They engage our brains and keep them in good health.  Hobbies create a sense of accomplishment.  They propel us toward a healthier and happier grief recovery.  
(Tracy Renee Lee)

40.      For complicated grief, psychotherapy is sometimes warranted.  Counseling can help a survivor identify habits and encourage positive growth.  It can yield a recovery plan that the survivor is unable to identify, implement and accomplish on his or her own.  
(Tracy Renee Lee)

41.      A support group is a scheduled gathering of people with common experiences and concerns.  It provides emotional and moral support, as well as new perspectives on life, increased understanding of grief, and close personal ties.  
(Tracy Renee Lee)

42.      Traditions are a wonderful tool for grief recovery.  Observing traditions that were once enjoyed with the deceased, helps up accept that they are gone from us physically, yet with us still, through the activities and love we shared together.  Such activities, now traditions, will aid your family by anchoring them securely to their heritage.  Observing traditions stabilizes a family through loss, expansion and changing environments.  
(Tracy Renee Lee)

43.      Animal companionship typically results in fewer migraines and less persistent fears.  Fewer phobias, lower levels of panic, and less drug and alcohol intake are very positive side effects associated with our furry friends.  The love and acceptance of a pet, helps us to combat depression and isolation.  If you have a family pet, be mindful of their needs.  Taking Fido out for a brisk walk will provide both of you healthier opportunities for exercise, socialization and companionship.  
(Tracy Renee Lee)

44.      Eventually, people who avoid all aspects of conscious grief will break down.  Due to their denial, the break down is usually brought on by some form of depression. 
(Tracy Renee Lee)

45.      Delayed grief is usually more difficult to overcome.  Not only is depression more prevalent, the survivor is faced with a less supportive social system than would have been available at the time of loss. 
(Tracy Renee Lee)

46.      Many survivors resent having to develop new skills that were once performed by their deceased love one. 
(Tracy Renee Lee)

47.      Recovering from grief often entails the rebuilding of one’s self.  If one has been in a marriage for fifty years or so, their identity has generally morphed into that of a couple.  Being alone after such a long period of time, may take quite an adjustment. 
(Tracy Renee Lee)

48.      On average, a widow tends to begin the realization that she must function on her own 3 – 4 months following the death of her husband. 
(Tracy Renee Lee)

49.      The first task of grieving is to accept the reality that your loved one is dead, that they are gone and that they will not return. 
(Tracy Renee Lee)

50.      The funeral is an important factor in accepting the death of an individual.  Without the acceptance that death has occurred, the survivor enters into a state of loneliness.  A prolonged state of loneliness ushers in isolation.  Extended isolation will metamorphose into depression.  Once depression occurs, grief recovery becomes increasingly more difficult to overcome.  
(Tracy Renee Lee) 

51.      Men and women express themselves differently.  This fact is magnified in a grief situation.  Men may not feel free to openly express the depth of their grief.  Societal mores allow women much more latitude in the expression of grief.  
(Tracy Renee Lee)

52.      Religion is often the determining factor when it comes to grief expression and recovery.  
(Tracy Renee Lee)

53.      Recovery from the death of a loved one may take a long time, especially in immediate family situations.  It is imperative to understand that patience plays a large role in grief work.  Be patient with yourself, with others trying to help and with those not realizing that you need help.  
(Tracy Renee Lee)

54.      Grief is the ultimate emotional roller coaster ride.  Do not be discouraged if you have a few great days and then experience several bad ones.  Do not think of this as a setback.  Alternating good and bad days are a normal grief experience.  You will find that as time goes by, you will eventually experience more good days than bad.
(Tracy Renee Lee)

 55.     Grief creates psychological distress and turmoil.  Awareness of one’s own discrepancies does not make the grief experience easier, it does however, offer self-analysis, and thereby the development of additional coping techniques and skills. 
(Tracy Renee Lee)

56.      Grief is stressful.  Stress has a negative impact on ones immune system.  When suffering the loss of a loved one, it is a good idea to notify your primary care physician, if you have existing physical, psychological or emotional conditions.  
(Tracy Renee Lee)

57.      Many bereaved individuals experience more frequent occurrences of ailments.  Common complaints are additional colds, lingering flu, headaches, stomach upset, back and neck pain, indigestion, insomnia and flare-ups of pre-existing conditions.  This is normal during the phases of grief.  It is recommended that survivors notify their physician if these ailments become intolerable.  
(Tracy Renee Lee)

58.      Holidays, birthdays, anniversaries and especially the yearly loss anniversary, are extremely stressful for survivors of loss.  The anticipation of these important dates may sometimes be worse the day itself.  If you have a close friend or relative, it may be a good idea to let them know that you might need extra understanding and support on these days.  
(Tracy Renee Lee)

59.      A grief stricken person is unable to function at their usual 100% capability.  It is therefore wise to postpone major decisions at this time.  Selling a home, moving to another city, changing jobs or professions are all better put off to some later date if possible.
(Tracy Renee Lee)

60.      During bereavement, one may find that they are more forgetful than usual.  This is caused by the preoccupation of grief.  Lost car keys, misplaced purses, forgotten appointments etc., are normal occurrences during this time.  It is a good practice to begin writing things down on a list.  Realizing your memory is suffering the ill effects of stress brought on by grief, you may find that you cannot remember if you have completed each task successfully.  It is therefore recommended, that you check tasks off as they are accomplished. 
(Tracy Renee Lee)

61.      Due to a disorganization of thoughts during bereavement, tasks may take longer or be more difficult to complete.  Sometimes writing down the steps necessary before beginning a task, helps one to complete it more satisfactorily.
(Tracy Renee Lee)

62.      During bereavement, concentrating and retaining information becomes difficult.  This is caused by a preoccupation of loss.  Reading and other tasks requiring concentration, may take longer than usual.  Mistakes and errors may also become more prevalent.  As time passes, mistakes lessen and the ability to concentrate and retain information returns. 
(Tracy Renee Lee)

63.      During the early stages of bereavement, preoccupation of your loss interferes with your ability to function at your normal capacity.  One’s mind wanders and it becomes difficult to stay focused or on task. 
(Tracy Renee Lee)

64.      Driving is especially dangerous during the early stages of bereavement.  One’s mind will wander, and suddenly one is where he or she was going, without noticing the drive there.  It is common for recently bereaved individuals to run traffic lights and stop signs.  Traffic reports indicate an increase in missing turns and traffic accidents during this time as well.  Be extra careful if you must drive, but it is recommended, that you engage someone else to run your errands for a while.
(Tracy Renee Lee)

65.      During grief, the survivor may feel a lack of interest or motivation.  What was once of great importance, may seem meaningless for quite some time.  As the survivor passes through the different phases of mourning, the preoccupation of loss causing the lack of interest and motivation will become less prevalent.  Eventually, the survivor will return to his or her pre-loss level of interest and motivation.
(Tracy Renee Lee)

66.      During bereavement it is common to experience a lower tolerance level.  One’s patience may not be what it used to be.  Minor irritations may have the ability to overwhelm the survivor. 

As the survivor accepts, adjusts and becomes accustomed to their new life without the deceased, irritability should subside. 
(Tracy Renee Lee)

67.      Grief is overwhelming and affects all aspects of the survivor’s life.  Lack of sleep, loss of appetite and a feeling of despair are normal reactions to loss.  These experiences can contribute to extreme fatigue, which may lead to chronic fatigue.  If you find that you are unable to motivate yourself for an extended period, you might consider consulting with your physician.
(Tracy Renee Lee)

68.      Although death is a part of living, life does not prepare us for death.  Unfortunately, we only realize that when we experience the death of a loved one.  
(Tracy Renee Lee)

69.      When a loved one dies, if pre-arrangements have not been settled, chaos rules your mind.  
(Tracy Renee Lee)  

70.      At the time of death, the next of kin must make decisions that will usher in and set the groundwork for the grief recovery experience for friends and family of the deceased.  They must be mindful that their choices will affect the memories and recollections that will either hamper or encourage healing for those left behind.  All of this must be accomplished while adjusting to the fact that their loved one has died.  
(Tracy Renee Lee) 

71.      Following the death of a loved one, there may be a significant need to reach out for emotional support.  This can be accomplished through a support group, an understanding cleric, a professional funeral practitioner or a therapist.  How do you know if you need professional assistance?  If you find that you have unanswered questions or that you need a tool to help you cope with the loss, you might benefit from professional support.
When you break your limb, you go to a qualified care professional for proper wound care.  Why wouldn’t you go to a qualified care professional when your life has broken?  

Qualified wound care is just as important for your soul as it is for your limb.  
(Tracy Renee Lee) 

72.      Even when death is expected, as with a long-term illness, you will still experience emotional and physical grief.  
(Tracy Renee Lee) 

73.      Any death without an attending medical practitioner must be reported to the police.  
(Tracy Renee Lee) 

74.      If a family member dies at home, it is okay for you to call a friend or neighbor to come be with you while you wait for the police to arrive and during their work at your house.  You do not have to face this task alone.  You do not have to be alone with the body, the medical staff or the police.  
(Tracy Renee Lee) 

75.      Hospice does not seek to treat illness.  They are not engaged for care until treatment for recovery has been exhausted.  Their mission is to enable the dying to control pain while ushering in of death.  
(Tracy Renee Lee) 

76.      Notifying the police of a death, which is under the care of Hospice, is not necessary.  If the death occurs while Hospice personnel are away, one should immediately call the Hospice nurse so that death may be pronounced.  After pronouncement, the Hospice nurse will notify your funeral home of choice.  
(Tracy Renee Lee) 

77.      If a loved one dies and you are the responsible next of kin, unless he or she has made prior arrangements for death, you will be called upon to make the necessary decisions.  If you are in the position of next of kin, you may want to ask your loved one in advance of death, what their wishes are for disposition of their body.  Doing so will greatly lift your responsibility.  
(Tracy Renee Lee) 

78.      When a loved one dies, you may want to contact other close friends and relatives to share the burdens of funeral week.  Most people want to be useful in some way during this difficult time, so sharing the load of secondary and tertiary duties helps all involved.  It will relieve you of some of the secondary duties such as calling friends and family to notify them of the arrangements and helping with hotel accommodations, and tertiary duties such as tracking gifts and condolences.  Allowing this will help with grief recovery for you and for those who help.
(Tracy Renee Lee)

79.      Death certificates serve for legal matters.  You will need to determine the number of death certificates you will need to dissolve all legal matters concerning your loved one.  All financial accounts and obligations require a death certificate, such as bank accounts, retirement accounts, investments such as IRA’s and CD’s, stocks and bonds, child support, insurance policies, etc.; all real property ownerships and objects that require a title require a death certificate, such as primary residence, secondary residence, vacation properties, vehicles, etc. and; all utilities require a death certificate.  
(Tracy Renee Lee) 

80.      When a physician or other medical care professional has not been attending your deceased loved one, an autopsy will be ordered by the certifying death authority.
(Tracy Renee Lee)

81.      An autopsy is ordered to determine cause of death.  During an autopsy, the body is dissected and the organs are weighed and inspected.  Various toxicology tests will be performed to determine their connection, if any, to the cause of death.
(Tracy Renee Lee)

82.      Autopsies are generally ordered by the certifying death authority if your loved one was not under the care of a physician, if the death was a result of an accident, criminal violence or other suspicious manner, suicide or if the death occurred while incarcerated.
(Tracy Renee Lee)

83.      If an autopsy is ordered by the certifying death authority, the government will pay for it.  If the family requests an autopsy, they are financially responsible for the cost.  Generally, the funeral home will be able to direct you to a forensic doctor who will be able to perform the requested autopsy.
(Tracy Renee Lee)

84.  Unless your loved one suffered severe brutality or a disfiguring accident, they should still be viewable even when an autopsy has been performed.
(Tracy Renee Lee)

85.       Sharing the responsibilities of the services, decisions and details, those who are mourning are able to begin moving through the stages of grief.  The funeral ushers in this transition.
(Tracy Renee Lee)

86.       When survivors are in the midst of coordinating all of the details for final disposition, it is near impossible for them to clearly think through and understand the long range consequences of their decisions.  Therefore, it is imperative that a capable funeral director be selected.  Through their knowledge and experience, the survivors will be guided through the necessary decisions that will best serve them and their families.
(Tracy Renee Lee)

87.  Once death has occurred, reality for the survivors begins to girate out of control.  In making decisions and helping with the services, survivors are able to regain control of their environment.  Planning the funeral helps the survivors regain strength, control and comfort.
(Tracy Renee Lee)

88.       Speaking at a funeral service is a great honor and should not be taken lightly.  The speeches delivered will mark the beginning for family and friends to transition from the present stage of having their loved one by their sides into the stages of memories.
(Tracy Renee Lee)

89.  There is never a perfect time or place to tell a family member about the death of a loved one.  It is a hard and sad message to deliver.  If you have the honor of being with a survivor at time of notification or if you are the one giving notification of death, realize that your survivor is going to be devastated.  Even if the death was expected, the actual occurrence is still startling.
(Tracy Renee Lee)

90.       Generally, all family and friends that will want to attend services for the deceased should be called with a notification that death has occurred and time of services.  One should not rely on media death notices as not everyone reads them everyday.
(Tracy Renee Lee)

91.       When a loved one dies and the funeral practitioners arrive, although you will not feel like answering numerous questions, there are issues that must be addressed at that time.  The funeral personnel must know if you intend to view your loved one, or if cremation without services will be your choice of disposition.  The reason for these questions, is to provide you and your loved ones with the best possible scenario.  The sooner the body is embalmed, the better your deceased love one will present at the visitation.
(Tracy Renee Lee)

92.       The most common and traditional form of disposition is America is earth burial.
(Tracy Renee Lee)

93.       A traditional funeral in America consists of a viewing or visitation, a service based on your religious affiliation, and a committal service at the gravesite.
(Tracy Renee Lee)

94.       The funeral industry is a service based industry and is regulated by the Federal Trade Commission and State law.
(Tracy Renee Lee)

95.       Embalming became common practice during the civil war, so that families could retrieve their Veteran dead and bury them at home.
(Tracy Renee Lee)

96.       In some states, burying a loved one on your estate grounds, is legal.
(Tracy Renee Lee)

97.       Funerals are for the living.  They serve to assist the survivors to realize that death has occurred.  They also help the survivor move their loved one from living memories to past memories.  They usher in the beginning of the grief stages.
(Tracy Renee Lee)

98.  Embalming is not required by law, except in certain circumstances.  Embalming serves to allow for the family to make plans and arrange for services in a timely fashion.  The additional time allotted the family due to embalming, allows for long distance travel.
(Tracy Renee Lee)

99.       Embalming is not required by law, except in certain circumstances.  Generally, a body must be embalmed when it is going to cross borders.  These borders can be county, state or national borders.  Sometimes embalming is required when a death has occurred from a highly contagious disease or when there is a long period before services can take place.  If refrigeration is unavailable, embalming, cremation or burial must take place within 24 hours after death.
(Tracy Renee Lee)

100.     Embalming only helps preserve the body for a short period of time.  The body continues to decompose but on a slower schedule.  Embalming is used to keep the body presentable until after the funeral. 
(Tracy Renee Lee)

101.     The funeral is a traditional ritual in which many people find great comfort.  It helps usher the beginning of the grieving process.  Grief experts agree that the absence of a funeral invites complicated grief for the bereaved.
(Tracy Renee Lee)

102.     The funeral brings together a community of mourners who can support each other through the bereavement process.  Grief experts and those who counsel the grieving, believe that a funeral or service is a necessary part of the healing process.  Further, they state that those who forego this traditional service run the risk of a complicated, extended and exaggerated grief experience.
(Tracy Renee Lee)

103.     A funeral or memorial service provides mourners with a socially acceptable place and time to express the feelings and emotions of grief.  Without this experience, mourners run the risk of a prolonged and complicated grief experience.
(Tracy Renee Lee)

104.     A funeral service is the appropriate time and place to express feelings and concerns of grief, talk about memories of the deceased loved one, and begin the acceptance that death has occurred.  Without this experience, grief experts express concern, that the bereaved will rob themselves of precious and important opportunities for the onset of a normal grief experience.
(Tracy Renee Lee)

105.     Mourners who fear the viewing of their deceased loved one, may find excuses to dismiss the event as barbaric.  Research indicates that viewing the deceased is beneficial to the bereaved.  It offers evidence that death has occurred and that life will not miraculously return.
(Tracy Renee Lee)

106.        Sudden deaths are those that occur without warning.  These types of deaths require special understanding and intervention.  Sudden deaths are generally more difficult to grieve or recover from than other deaths that give some warning, allowing family and friends to prepare for the imminent loss. 
(Tracy Renee Lee)

107.        Sudden deaths include suicide, heart attacks, strokes, accidents, homicides.  This category of death requires special attention for survivors.  The shock and lack of preparation may lead to a complicated and extended recovery process.  If you have suffered this type of death in your significant circles, you might consider the intervention of a mental health or grief counselor sooner rather than later.  Developing sound recovery techniques early on might save you an extended and complicated grief experience. 
(Tracy Renee Lee)

108.        Quite often, a survivor mourning a sudden death will create a pseudo reality connected to the death as well as the events leading up to and causing the death.  It is not unusual for the survivor to walk around in a daze, feeling numb about the tragedy.  In some cases, survivors will experience gory nightmares surrounding the details of the death, even though they were not present at the death.  In such cases, counseling is advised. 
(Tracy Renee Lee)

109.        Feelings of guilt are common following any type of death.  In sudden death however, there is often an unrealistic pathology related to the guilt.  Survivors will ask themselves internally why they let this happen or why didn’t they do something to thwart it.  Intervention is very important for survivors who internalize this guilt.  Without aggressive resolution, the survivor is in sever danger of extreme depression.  This depression can become debilitating if left unresolved. 
(Tracy Renee Lee)

110.        Sudden death is particularly difficult for children to resolve.  Often children will see the death as a fulfillment of hostile wishing.  If in anger, the child has inwardly wished that a sibling were dead after a disagreement or even a parent for that matter, the actualization of that death can make it very difficult for a child to recognize the irrelevance between the wish and the death.  The child in this situation is in grave danger of extreme guilt and depression.  Intervention is paramount in this situation. 
(Tracy Renee Lee)

111.        In cases of sudden death, family and friends feel a basic human need to place blame on someone or something for the occurrence of death.  Oft times, blame is directed at another family member.  Generally, the family member in jeopardy of receiving this blame is of a meeker or less aggressive constitution.  Unfortunately, children are often easy targets for unrealistic and unsubstantiated blame and aggression. 
(Tracy Renee Lee)

112.        Families suffering sudden death of a loved one from an unexpected or unknown medical ailment often place blame on the medical personnel who were in attendance at the time of death.  This blame is in most cases unfounded. 
(Tracy Renee Lee)

113.        Families suffering sudden death of a loved one from homicide are often unable to begin recovery until the perpetrators have been arrested and justice served.  If the case is difficult and the perpetrators are not identified or they have been let go after lengthy police investigations, the family will blame the law enforcement team.  The blame can become overwhelming and recovery may require the intervention of a mental health or grief recovery practitioner. 
(Tracy Renee Lee)

114.        In the case of sudden death, survivors may suffer from a sense of helplessness.  This feeling effects the survivors ability to function in an orderly fashion and negates one’s sense of power.  Often these feeling of helplessness lead to an incredible sense of rage.  Survivors may find that they are expressing death wishes toward those who have or those who are trying to help.  These expressions may help the survivor deal more openly with their feelings, however if they follow through with retribution, the situation needs immediate action.
(Tracy Renee Lee)

115.        The stress associated with a sudden death can evoke the fight or flight response, leading to an increased level of agitation.  Prolonged expression of increased agitation can very easily lead to a state of agitated depression.  This situation requires intervention from mental health or grief counselors. 
(Tracy Renee Lee)

116.        Sudden death can bring feeling of regret to the survivor.  Regret for things said or unsaid, actions,  inactions and lost dreams.  Counseling can serve to redirect these regrets allowing a better grief recovery experience and closure. 
(Tracy Renee Lee)


117.        Saving and re-reading obituaries may serve as helpful therapeutic grief recovery tools in the months and years that follow a significant loss. 
(Tracy Renee Lee, 2014)